Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
