Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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