Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize