forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
