Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
