Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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