the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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