she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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