I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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