woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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