Dual....:-)
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
