so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
