ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
too bad you live with your parents still
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
