you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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