Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize