I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
