is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
