Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
