This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
