yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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