my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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