: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize