shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
