And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
