I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
