Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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