Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
