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Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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