how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
