It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
