i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
