idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
