We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
