Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
