That's intense
Me. At least after what I've been through.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
