Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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