New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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