Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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