billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
