I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
