We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh god it's open bar.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
