im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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