hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
