: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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