On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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