Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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