So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
