Where is the hickey?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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