How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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