I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
