I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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