I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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