I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I deserve this hangover.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
