what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
