God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
