My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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