My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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