Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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