Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
