i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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