You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
