Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
