last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize