i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
