plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
