Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
