I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
