UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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