NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
